What Is Your Brilliance?

Have you considered that question? What is your brilliance? What qualities do you embody that light up this world?

How does it feel to be asked those questions? Some of us have immediate answers to them. We've had our brilliance embraced and encouraged. Others of us don't dare to shine brightly because people have attempted --and often succeeded in--snuffing us out, and that's painful. In their insecurity or jealousy or whatever motivation, they've smothered us with a big wet blanket, leaving us with little but wisps of smoke floating into the air.

But if we're alive, the spark of brilliance is still there. Whether already shining brightly or buried deep within, kept safe and protected, our positive qualities still exist and want to be expressed.

What are they? Can you own them?

For inspiration, you may want to look at my ginormous list of gifted characteristics. You may look at some of those and think "That's a positive trait? I don't believe that." Well, it is. If you find that hard to believe, chances are you've been influenced by some pretty heavy propaganda to think otherwise.

I encourage you: look within and name your brilliance. Own it. And see what happens.

Lisa's Ginormous List of Gifted Grownup Traits

What follows is a reprint of a blog post from my former and now defunct blog "From the Deep." It's a list of characteristics gifted grownups may exhibit. People seemed to find it quite valuable and validating. Give it a read, and let me know what you think!

As many of you know, I spent the past summer researching grownup giftedness. I have learned so much that I want to share that I’ve almost felt paralyzed! Where to begin? Well, as Maria from The Sound of Music would say, “let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start.” (I’m very much about the wisdom of The Sound of Music!) The beginning seems to be in identifying what makes a grownup gifted. And boy howdy, do I have a list of gifted grownup characteristics for you!

Before I begin my ginormous list, I’ll summarize by saying that giftedness is not about a number on an intelligence test. While high intelligence can be part of giftedness, giftedness is much more about a profile of traits. If you exhibit at least two-thirds of the characteristics below, you can probably consider yourself gifted.

Also, I want you to know that I did my best to cull through the traits and winnow them down so I didn’t repeat myself. However, in a typically gifted, divergent-thinking way, at times I found that one resource would present a trait in a differently-nuanced way than another. In these cases, I did what I could to consolidate the characteristic, but I also may have just repeated myself. It was the only way I could avoid the self-torture which would have resulted from potentially omitting information you might find helpful!

So, without further ado, I give you my ginormous list of gifted grownup traits:

• early and heightened concern for justice and morality

• early verbal ability

• enjoyment of intense intellectual discussions with others and with themselves

• complex thought processes

• capacity for abstract thought, which as it increases so does the connection of emotional reactions to cognitive appraisals of situations

• internal asynchrony (out-of-sync-ness): experiencing different levels of development among physical, intellectual, emotional, social, and skill set areas of self

• external asynchrony: lack of fit with same-aged people and with age-related expectations of culture

• immense capacity to care

• assimilation of extraordinary amounts of information

• unusual retentiveness (and I’m not talking anal here, though that can sometimes apply too!)

• advanced comprehension

• unusually varied interests

• insatiable curiosity

• unusual capacity for processing information

• accelerated pace of thought processes

• heightened capacity for seeing unusual and diverse relationships

• ability to generate original ideas and solutions

• evaluation of self and others

• persistent, goal-directed behavior

• heightened emotional sensitivity and intensity (these are evident in a gifted child and may go underground in adults, especially in males, but will still exist)

• heightened sensitivity to visual, auditory, tactile, olfactory, and taste sensations

• keen sense of humor (may be gentle, hostile, sophisticated, and/or bizarre)

• desire to make actions consistent with values

• sophisticated, global thinking

• capacity to generalize

• understanding of difficult concepts and phenomena

• uncommon imagination and creativity

• view of self can be fundamentally different than the view others have of them (gifted people are sometimes endowed by others with more power and ability than they actually possess)

• driven, not by what drives the rest of the world but by inner agenda

• sometimes overwhelmed by the pressure of their own creativity

• greater awareness of what’s going on in the world, therefore feeling things more deeply

• relating best to those who share their interests

• don’t have many relationships, but the ones they do have are deep and meaningful

• leadership ability

• need for solitude and time for contemplation and daydreaming

• search for meaning in both the inner and outer world

• highly intuitive, gaining insights without being aware of the logical sequence to their conclusion

• special problem awareness, therefore can predict consequences and possibly prevent foreseeable problems; but can also experience more anxiety

• ability to see patterns of development and growth, and therefore can recognize, predict, and influence trends, although they may not be trendsetters because others won’t be convinced of their way of thinking

• dislike of public relations methods of image making

• perfectionistic, in terms of own standards and expectations (not necessarily in terms of the outside world)

• multiple abilities and interests, frequently to the point of feeling frustration at not being able to engage all of themselves at any one point in time

• frequent feelings of being misunderstood, of being an outsider, of being unable to communicate

• difficulty understanding the seemingly inconsistent and short-sighted behavior of others

• ability to see a difference between justice and equality

• potential development of emotional issues related to their abilities, but also possession of greater resources for dealing with their problems

• independent thinking

• difficulty with authority figures, including knowingly or unknowingly being threatening to them

• desire to use specific talents, insights, and knowledge for betterment of the world

• ability to process information in several directions at once

• love for self-actualization

• divergent thinking ability

• high potential to be wide open to life and fully present in the moment

• love of challenge

• ability to feel great joy in the unfolding journey–goals and means are one and the same

• balance between discipline and spontaneity

• as they become more successful, development and use of a support system that fuels their creativity

• persistent

• ability to complete tasks more quickly than others

• tendency to “use up” jobs

• sensitivity to beauty and pain

• empathy

• perceptivity

• no fear of being regarding as oddball or weird person

• playfulness

• more insight than others

• need for challenging work

• resistance to routines

• low frustration tolerance

• reluctance to accept criticism

• holding unrealistic expectations of self

• being one’s worst critic

• ability to see many sides to an issue

• enjoyment of debate

• fountain of ideas

• love for puzzles, mazes, paradoxes, complex ideas, and words, including word play

• feeling of responsibility for problems that don’t belong to them

• been criticized for not sticking to one thing (“flakiness”)

• value for honesty, integrity, and authenticity

• connections with people of all ages

• capacity for keen observation

• extraordinary tolerance for ambiguity

• excitability, enthusiasm, and expressiveness

• abundant energy

• early spiritual experiences

• deep concern about universal issues and nature

• reverence for the interconnectedness of all things

• awareness of an inner force that draws them toward meaning, fulfillment, and excellence

• feelings of urgency about personal destiny

• yearning at a spiritual level for answers to existential puzzles

• passionate, intense feelings

• inability to switch off thinking

• search for questions in their lives

• a feeling of coming apart

• preference for complexity

• overwhelmed by pressure of one’s own intellectual, creative, or emotional intensity

• just seems more complicated than others

Have I missed any? I’m sure I have! If so, please add characteristics in the comments section. Feel free to add your whimsical ideas too. As I tweeted about creating this list, one of my followers offered “list-making”! I love humor and irony, and welcome them here! Your offerings will help others identify themselves as gifted.

As well, here are references I used in compiling this list. You may find them interesting and helpful:

• Jacobsen, Mary-Elaine (1999). The gifted adult: A revolutionary guide for liberating everyday genius. New York: Ballantine Books.

• Kerr, Barbara (1995). Counseling talented adults. Advanced Development Journal, special edition, 163-171.

• Leviton, Linda Powers (1995). Blossoms in Satir’s garden: Lynne Azpeitia’s work with gifted adults. Advanced Development Journal, special edition, 127-146.

• Rocamora, Mary (1995). Counseling issues with recognized and unrecognized creatively gifted adults: With six case studies. Advanced Development Journal, special edition, 147-161.

• Roeper, Annemarie (1995) Gifted adults: Their characteristics and emotions. Advanced Development Journal, special edition, 21-34.

• Silverman, Linda Kreger (1995). The universal experience of being out-of-sync. Advanced Development Journal, special edition, 1-12.

• Streznewski, Marylou Kelly (1999). Gifted grownups: The mixed blessings of extraordinary potential. New York: John Wily & Sons, Inc.

• Tolan, Stephanie S. (1995) Discovering the gifted ex-child. Advanced Development Journal, special edition, 13-20.

• Wallach, Maddi (1995). The courage to network. Advanced Development Journal, special edition, 35-41.

©2009 Lisa Lauffer

Set Your Brilliance Free

I believe in the gifted community. I have met--virtually and in real life--some of the most beautiful people by working for and among the gifted and talented. I see the passion among parents, educators, and advocates for serving gifted and talented children in an educational environment that is frequently lackadaisical at best about teaching GT kids and downright hostile at worst. I applaud all of these people for seeing the uphill battle for what it is and choosing to fight it anyways.

I have been one of these people. I am mother to two GT kids (one who is twice-exceptional), and I've served as a life coach to gifted grown-ups and parents of GT kids. I've advocated for my own kids and in the process tried to advocate for others. I served two years on our state gifted advisory board. And for quite awhile now I've participated in the online gifted community in various places and to varying degrees.

A few years back my life came to a screeching halt. Though I'd spent much of my life seeking--and, I thought, finding--inner healing for the internal pain I felt, I realized I was still a deeply wounded person. Many of those wounds were inflicted because of my giftedness. And as I child I unknowingly used my giftedness to survive the cuts and shots I suffered. I've spent the past number of years unraveling what my talented, agile brain erected, and I continue to undergo this process.

Knowing what I've learned from my personal experience, I'm able to look at the gifted people I love and realize I'm not alone. I want to offer a listening ear and a helping hand to these amazing people, so many of whom have become dear friends. I think many of us don't realize how deeply we've been hurt by the past or how devastating the consequences have been.

But imagine this. Someone--a child's teacher, a fellow parent, an administrator--says or does something, and we react with intensity. Granted, many of us gifted folk possess our fair share of intensity. But maybe in this situation we react with more intensity than the situation warrants. What I believe happens in most of these situations is that the offending person unwittingly triggers an old memory, and we don't realize it. We react to the real-time situation with our current emotions as well as some measure of impact from the emotions triggered by the old memory, emotions we stuffed long ago in order to cope with the hurtful situation. A teacher who can't understand our kids' gifted needs embodies the teacher we had in elementary school who gave us busywork or publicly shamed us for appearing bored in class. A fellow parent who doesn't understand the challenges we face parenting our GT kids pokes at the wounds of misunderstanding and rejection inflicted by our middle school peers.

It is noble to fight for our kids, be they our own children, our classroom students, or the GT population at large. But we cannot fight those battles as effectively when we are wounded soldiers experiencing shell shock every time we go into the fray. Just as military men and women who sustain wounds in battle need R&R to recover, we need rest and relaxation to heal from enemy fire and friendly fire. We need to allow ourselves time to become whole again so we can look at the war with a renewed perspective.

Heck, we need to heal just because we need to heal! We don't need to be the ugly step-children banished to the darkness in shame only to be allowed out when others want us to serve them. Again, while serving is noble, we deserve to be the cherished people we never got to be as kids. When we can be that, then we can turn around and bring others along the journey with us if we feel so called.

This is where I feel I am now. I continue to discover pockets of my internal world where I need healing. Yet I also see the aching gifted community. I see troubled young men shooting elementary school kids. I see depressed young men committing suicide. I see women hiding their gifts and talents behind those of their husbands and kids, and becoming sadder and sadder as the months and years go by. So I'm going in. If I can possibly help, I want to.

What I write on this blog will be personal not scientific. Like most gifted children with their assignments, I cannot show my work. For much of what I share, I cannot tell you how I've come to my conclusions. I just know I've discovered some answers along my journey, and I know they've worked for me. I believe they can work for others, and if they can, I want to offer them.

I imagine a world where gifted men and women are fully healed and equipped to make the impact on this world that they were originally designed to make. I imagine them no longer hindered by the false opinions, unkind words, and unfair situations they experienced as children. I dream of them fully free and unleashed to enjoy life and, if so called, to make the difference they were designed to make.

If we lived in a world like that--if you set your brilliance free--what might be possible?